oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
