your parents love me but you hate me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
