I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
