I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
