Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
