I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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