Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
