Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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