I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
