I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
