My hand turned me down
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
