last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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