woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
