Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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