Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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