I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
