I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
