Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Randomize
