he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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