So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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