I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
