I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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