I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
