Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
