Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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