So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
