Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
