onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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