I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
