God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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