First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
