How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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