apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
