Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
