Can i not drive my cunt home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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