a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
