so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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