Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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