my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
