ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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