Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
