it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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