Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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