After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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