Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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