I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
