I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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