Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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