i just wanna soil my oats bro
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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