You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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