The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
