When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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