i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
