he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong