Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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