I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
