Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
