we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
