i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
