Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
