I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
