you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
