Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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