dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
