You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
