Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
