I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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