I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
